Six years ago today, I found out I was pregnant with Brady. My initial reaction was, here we go again. I know, I know, I sound like the most ungrateful woman in the world, but before you start thinking bad things about me, you have to understand that I went through a lot before that pregnancy test. This was not my first, second, or even my third pregnancy; Brady was my fourth pregnancy and the last three had ended in complete and total heartbreak and devastation. I was honestly to the point where I didn’t even want to try to get pregnant anymore, I was seriously ready to start the adoption process. Thankfully, we did try again and everything turned out wonderful. We did get our happy ending. We got our rainbow baby after that dark storm of recurring miscarriages. We finally left the hospital with a big healthy baby boy instead of broken hearts and empty hands.
I wish I could go back to myself six years ago and tell myself that everything is going to be okay this time. I wish I could tell myself the relax and enjoy this pregnancy because it’s going to be the only “normal” pregnancy I’m ever going to experience. I wish I could tell myself not to stress because not only was I about to become a mom to Brady, but in a span of 2 years, I would become a mama to five more beautiful baby blessings.
Infertility and recurring miscarriages take a toll on a woman. It steals your joy because you’re so scared to be happy because of all the heartbreak you’ve experienced. I know, as well as anyone, that God doesn’t always say yes to our prayers. Sometimes He says no, sometimes He says not now, sometimes He says wait, wait some more, keep waiting, and sometimes He says yes. As hard as my journey to become a mom was, and sad, despressing, and heartbreaking it was, it also taught me a lot about myself. It made me lean on my faith and my family more than ever, which has made me a stronger and better person.
It’s hard to imagine that Brady has been in our lives for 6 years now. I’m so blessed to be his mama.